skip to content

Latest News

Coming to Bristol in September?

07 August 2014 at 16:37

Are you coming to study at Bristol in September? Interested in playing hockey? 

Join us for preseason!

Get in contact with either Michael Jones (UBMHC), or Lucy Balicki (UBLHC) if you're interested in joining us for two weeks of preseason hockey. Get to know Bristol, the club, the university, and everything else you need to know before coming to study here, all whilst staying with one of the current members in their house.

Contact Michael by email on mj1926@my.bristol.ac.uk, or Lucy on lb12132@my.bristol.ac.uk

In the meantime, join these facebook groups to find out more:

Men's club freshers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/173336582852652/

Ladies' club freshers: https://www.facebook.com/groups/760001820719136/

No Comments

Updated contact details

07 August 2014 at 16:30

Due to an error with the contacts page, we are unable to update the contacts for this years committee. In the meantime, the contact details are below:

Club Captain: Jack Thorpe, jt12319@my.bristol.ac.uk, 07590 535711

Vice Club Captain: Michael Jones, mj1926@my.bristol.ac.uk, 07895 417962

Fixtures Sec: Mikey Pelmore, mp13898@my.bristol.ac.uk, 07904 654661

Sponsorship Sec: Jordan Hussell, jh13388@my.bristol.ac.uk

1st Team Contact: George Cairns, gc13595@my.bristol.ac.uk, 07770 712775

Social Secs: Jack Britt, jb13152@my.bristol.ac.uk

                  Peter Chicken, pc13540@my.bristol.ac.uk

No Comments

UBMHC Thanks Ian Cordwell

16 July 2014 at 22:37

We are very sorry to anounce that current Director of Hockey Ian Cordwell has decided to stand down after 4 years of excellent service.

Over the past 4 years we have been very lucky to have Ian Cordwell as a coach and director of hockey. In his first year with the club Ian was involved in the highly sucessful 2nd XI which was promoted to WSWHL Championship and won the BUCS Western Cup. From this Ian moved on to coach the 1st XI for the next three years. Under Ian the 1st team have taken significant steps closer to the so far elusive goal of National League status, the hilight came in 2012/13 when Ian guided the 1st XI to finish 3rd and just one place of the promotion spot. In a highly competitive BUCS league Ian has ensured that the club remained inBUCS Prem, most notably again in 2012/13 when he masterminded a dramatic victory against previously undefeated and top of the league Bath to ensure that we stayed up. This past season has been no exeption, Ian showed his versatility by employing a number of very different formations thought the season, and was not afraid to make bold decisions which paid off.

As well as working with the frist 1stXI Ian has been very commited to ensuring that the whole club improve. Previously he has taken training sessions for all teams, and has enjoyed a love hate relationship with the 3rd 4th and 5th XI who appretiate how hard they are pushed. This year Ian's involvment with these teams has changed slightly as we have seen an increase in the number of coaches, Ian was equally adept at coaching the coaches as he was the players. Furthermore he ran optional early morning sessions for thsoe keen enough which were attended by 1st and 5th team members alike.

Finaly it should be noted that Ian has taken a keen intrest in the sporting perfromance of the whole university, and when there was no one to take club wide monday morning fitness naturally it was Ian who took up the mantel. 

It has been an absolutle pleasure Ian, and we wish you all the best both at Taunton Vale and in life.

UBMHC

No Comments

1s win against UWE

21 March 2014 at 18:04

Varsity came upon us, and with aching memories of our draw from last year we were all pretty pumped to smash them this year, especially as they’d rigged in some decent players from Firebrands and Clifton-which seemed to be the main conversation before the match. It must have psyched us up rather then panic us as we went out there all guns blazing from the start.

Another topic of popular conversation revolved around the elusive boombox…some said it was the biggest electrical appliance they’d ever seen, some said it had the loudest sound output they’d ever heard and some said it could be heard 20 minutes away and still drown out all surrounding white noise. However it was discovered that ‘some’ were in fact just sales people at PC World…”Oh yes, they are just as loud outside-if you want really loud speakers these will be by far the best option.” Thanks for nothing salesman. This turd has made sure my title, as ‘worst VCC in history’, will not ever be disputed, especially after my own previous mistake of buying non-portable speakers. Moving on…

We were all super pumped after warming up to our deafening beats echoing around dingle and started by having basically all the possession, with the ball constantly in their half. After some patience and a few missed opportunities, Kirsty popped in our first goal (I have no idea whether this is correct as the information from my sources conflict) and I think I’m right in saying she flicked it over the goalie because I remember hearing ‘I don’t think I’ve ever flicked the ball in my entire life’ in classic Kirsty fashion. Shortly after, two goals from GK and Emma Bevan put us in a secure 3-0 lead (again I’m not even sure this is right as garam and score seems to have erased mine, and other peoples, memory.) All we needed to do in the second half was keep playing how we had been, and we’d hopefully get more goals. This wasn’t actually the case as they decided to put the entirety of their team in their D to prevent the humiliation of a complete gubbing. We did manage to get one more goal from some inspired teamwork between Preston and Lucy McKee, with McKee securing the goal (not Preston, who strangely, but wisely, did not try and take the Clifton 1s keeper on herself.)

No one got sent off, no one got injured and we smashed UWE 4-0. All in all it was an excellent day, and we went on to celebrate at garam massala, and then onto score. The highlight of my night: Charlotte Watt in her hospital gown running down park street absolutely wasted. I had genuine concern that a police car or ambulance would think she was an escaped mental patient…however this luckily did not happen with the worst outcome being her banishment from prysm. Kudos you crazy little fresher.

No Comments

Elston uses hair gel to wash himself in Bath

16 March 2014 at 13:56

For much of this season there have been no real classic off field blunders. This has meant that we are inevitably forced to chose between Alun for his persistent desire to play upfront for the opposition, Arthur because we know it will wind him up, or any other petty and small error. This however, was a fairly good one.

In a match that meant everything to Bath and very little to Bristol it was perhaps little suprise that Bath started better and took and early 2-0 lead. Those who follow Bristol hockey consistently will notice that this is something of a regular occurance, apparently we play better hockey when we are down. 

A well taken Bristol PC returned the score to 2-1 and at this point Bristol were in the accendancy. Jack Thorpe had clearly seen enough defensive errors today and so decided that he would simply push the opposition forward to ground rather than atempt to tackle him, he was duly shown a jaundiced quadrilatrel of doom from the umpire and allowed an early half time break. Bath did not score the following PC, and at some point before the end of the half Tarn (I think) was able to slot the ball past the on rushing net minder. 2-2 at half time.

 

As usual we decided that we could be playing better and that we ought to pass the ball a bit more and that we probably ought to win it now. Sadly none of this happened. A host of disasters lead to bath taking a 5-2 lead. Mention should go to FedEx who on the left post, infront of both parents, brother and brothers girlfriend, managed use his foot to deliver the ball from outside the post and into the goal. Arthur wasted no time in telling him. 

2 spontaneous short corner moves involving stopper allowed a Hussler J brace. Final score Bath 4 Bristol 5. Much to the suprise of their centre forward who spent the whole game telling me how shit their defenders were.

After the traditional dissapointed huddle Bristol headed to the showers. Elston was busy being a club man and so entred the chanding facilities after the shower gel had been removed from play. All that was left was a mysterious container with the inscription "creamy gel" lovely stuff.  Taking this into the shower for the usual treatment I was slightly off put by the lack of lather produced by the gel but continued bravely. On leaving the shower this mystery was explained, hair gel is practically usless for washing with. Moroon. 

No Comments

Elston uses hair gel to wash himself in Bath

16 March 2014 at 13:56

For much of this season there have been no real classic off field blunders. This has meant that we are inevitably forced to chose between Alun for his persistent desire to play upfront for the opposition, Arthur because we know it will wind him up, or any other petty and small error. This however, was a fairly good one.

In a match that meant everything to Bath and very little to Bristol it was perhaps little suprise that Bath started better and took and early 2-0 lead. Those who follow Bristol hockey consistently will notice that this is something of a regular occurance, apparently we play better hockey when we are down. 

A well taken Bristol PC returned the score to 2-1 and at this point Bristol were in the accendancy. Jack Thorpe had clearly seen enough defensive errors today and so decided that he would simply push the opposition forward to ground rather than atempt to tackle him, he was duly shown a jaundiced quadrilatrel of doom from the umpire and allowed an early half time break. Bath did not score the following PC, and at some point before the end of the half Tarn (I think) was able to slot the ball past the on rushing net minder. 2-2 at half time.

 

As usual we decided that we could be playing better and that we ought to pass the ball a bit more and that we probably ought to win it now. Sadly none of this happened. A host of disasters lead to bath taking a 5-2 lead. Mention should go to FedEx who on the left post, infront of both parents, brother and brothers girlfriend, managed use his foot to deliver the ball from outside the post and into the goal. Arthur wasted no time in telling him. 

2 spontaneous short corner moves involving stopper allowed a Hussler J brace. Final score Bath 4 Bristol 5. Much to the suprise of their centre forward who spent the whole game telling me how shit their defenders were.

After the traditional dissapointed huddle Bristol headed to the showers. Elston was busy being a club man and so entred the chanding facilities after the shower gel had been removed from play. All that was left was a mysterious container with the inscription "creamy gel" lovely stuff.  Taking this into the shower for the usual treatment I was slightly off put by the lack of lather produced by the gel but continued bravely. On leaving the shower this mystery was explained, hair gel is practically usless for washing with. Moroon. 

No Comments

Bristol Badgers Crash out to Mixed giants Blamforth

01 March 2014 at 21:12

It was a dull and grey morning after the Saturday night before when Abi Whiteman and Alice Webb were buzzing the door of 6 Myrtle Road at 9.30 in the morning. Why this early you might think? Clearly our visitors had expected to see a certain Nicky Kilburn and Mikey Pelmore up and raring to go, cup of tea and Bacon sandwich in hand, ready for another outing of the UBHC mixed squad. But no, Nicky was in bed and potentially drunk. Still.

Minutes later amidst feisty exchanges of "we're going to be late", "don't you know I'm a rally driver" and "yeah she's a rally driver" the party suddenly found themselves at the student union where a sea of athletes robed in maroon and white (and pink if washed too hot)  onesies awaited them.

With Fresher Coach "I've done something to my knee" Pelmore out of action due to a slip, trip and a handful of amateur dramatics, Laura Herbert was called up to the side. Captain Mandi began to doubt her mathematical skills and ability to count to 11, until a text of "We're meeting Rachel McJarrow there" and her reply of "oooooooh yeeaaaah" confirmed that we did indeed have a full side for the game. Just about.

After travelling 50 miles in what felt like 10 minutes the match began... without Nicky... she still wasn't dressed, and was still potentially drunk or "hungover" as she liked to call it.

The team were playing well together, passing all around the left through William Eatherman, Ted (of chateau Rowntree fame), Rich Elston and Mandi. On the right with Webbo, Rachel McJarrow, Rich Elston and Mandi, and up front with Abi, Laura Enevoldsen, Rich and Mandi. In fact Rich and Mandi seemed to be everywhere and even when he was tired, a motivational shout from the sideline of "Go on Rich keep going mate" was all that he needed to go and get the ball once more.

Even through all this play, Blandford were first to strike lucky. A hit from the edge of the circle just squeezed past Ben (who?)'s long legs into the corner of the goal. In fact Melon played tremendously all game, saving shots left right and centre and so must be highly commended. Rich Elston was then to equalise with a well taken penalty corner drag flick which was rifeld towards the bottom corner only to be intercepted by the postladie's foot and sent sailing into the top corner.

Unfortunately it was a game of cat and mouse in terms of score line and Blandford went ahead again with a well taken deflection at the far post.

I'm taking an editorial cut into half time now (because I don't actually know at what point in the score half time came). The team listened with open ears to Mikey's advice of 'just pass it more' and Rich demonstrated how we would press through the use of some hockey balls; Mikey had forgotten his whiteboard (as per).

Sweeping back into the action of the game, the press seemed to have worked and the ball was won and passed to unmarked UBLHC captain Alice Webb who, despite nobody being around her managed to take the ball around the goalie and shoot from the widest possible angle. With pinpoint accuracy however, the ball trickled between the goalie and the post and over the line it went. 2-2.

With some end to end action and a flurry of chances for both sides and a few for Abi Whiteman it was that same girl on that same post who nudged one in for Blandford putting them ahead. Some tough moments arose and the match became higher paced and more frantic. Rich Elston then magnificently dribbled into the circle, eliminating each approaching player with ease, cluminating his run with superb 3D skill to take it past 2 defenders on the edge of the circle before sliping it to Mandi who was sitting on the near post ready for the textbook move. She slammed the ball in the goal to equalise. The score was 3-3.

It was getting quite exciting for the supporters of the UBHC (most notably Alice Webb and Rachel McJarrow's parents, and Mikey Pelmore on the sideline). You could tell from their calls of, "Come on Alice!" and "Keep going Rachel" and "I used to work in Chicago" respectively. Unfortunately with two minutes to go the final blow occurred. It was that same girl, from the same team, on the same post. Again. The score was 4-3 to Blandford and try as Bristol might, they couldn't f**k sh*te (Editor - "score again") and the final whistle blew.

EH mixed dreams were shattered that afternoon, but all was not lost as T. Rowntree, R. Elston and W. Eatherman discovered the school swimming pool and had a nice swim for active recovery. Before classic post match japes began which saw 2 people use an entire shower gel leaving W. Eatherman with nothing to cleanse himself, before that same man was sprayed with cold water whilst showering a move that angered his towel leading it to misteriously dissapear. Helping us through our blues was the provision of quiche and new potatoes for tea. Thanks to all that played.


DoD to Mikey Pelmore for falling over and doing "something but I'm not quite sure" to his knee and Man of the Match went to Mandi for excellent excellent play.

No Comments

Ladies 1s through to Quarters in BUCS Cup Run

20 February 2014 at 09:55

To the tune of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKNxeF4KMsY

 

First round BUCS Cup, We were playing Leeds, There were lots of cards, Yeah, they were all yellow.

Rhian came along, She took the girl right out, Unfortunately there was no doubt, And it had to be yellow.

So then I took my turn, Might have been rude to the umpire (!?!?!), And it was all yellow.

McKee-eee-eeee, Oh yeah Mckee she scored, It re-alllly was Something beautiful, You know, You know we love you so, You know we love you so.

Their goalie went off, Because they wanted to get through, Oh what a thing to do. But then they also got a yellow,

Emma was on the sideline, She did a bad tackle, Oh what a thing to do, Obviously it was yellow.

From a short, Oh yeah we scored from a short, Prestoooooonnn Something beautiful, And you know, If we didn’t win now we would cry, If we didn’t win now we would cry.

Get through, We really had to get through, We really want to get through, We really must get, We really had to get through, We really want to get through, We really must get through.

Look at the score, Look how we won the game, against Loughborough we’ll do the same

No Comments

Cardiff and Met beat 1s to 3 points

15 February 2014 at 18:52

The fixture against Cardiff and Met A came, for the 1st team, off the back of a long run of games. The run stretched all the way back to the start of the season, and included wins, draws, and losses. In fact, during that run the 1st team had actually already played this opposition. I guess that’s the nature of leagues which are based around playing all other teams at home and away. I digress, but there is a reason I mentioned the initial fixture in Wales – I have no recollection of the return fixture in Bristol.

In Wales at the start of the season we played against a rather strong Cardiff team, with the lack of a National League fixture allowing them to field a number of players with European experience. Unfortunately we had been unable to convert enough chances in the first half and struggled to deal with their class. This is, in essence, what happened in the return fixture.

The following describes what should have happened in this game.

The boys arrived at Fortress Dingle precisely an hour before the start of battle. They knew this was a big day, and insightful words from Captain Welsh were ruined only by Elston adding “just one more thing”. Ian brought his plans to the table, outlining which players were to be slain, which flanks were to be utilised, and when to penetrate the middle of the foe. This was not just another hockey match, this was a completely fictional one, made up letter by letter by your correspondent.

The boys popped to the john, where bizarrely Batstone failed to deliver, before moving down to the mighty turf for the impending fight. “Ridiculous Hair Cut” Poole sent the opening salvo with a quick left-right combo aerial toward the Cardiff and Met left half. Hussler-J put some serious pressure on the left back, using a Poole-esq “axe-attack” to secure himself a very quick yellow card. Fortunately Tarn had woken up on the Tarn side of the bed, and what happened next was pure tarn-ishness.

Tarn, on three occasions, picked the ball up in our d and ran the full length of the pitch, in a Mitchell-esq manner, but unlike Mitchell he then dispatched the ball with aplomb into the top corner.

10 mins: Bristol 3 – 0 Cardiff and Met (Hussler J had a full 10 minute sin bin)

Ian thought it best to try and avoid Hussler J getting an early red, and referred him to the showers for a bit of down time. Luckily he was replaced by Batstone – yes him of EHL fame (no, nothing to do with playing EHL, he just apparently loves hockey. Elston, if you are reading this, Batstone wanted an invited to East Grinstead). Immediately Batstone was in the thick of the action, making a fabulous shave tackle before slapping the ball inches wide. How unfortunate.

20 mins Bristol 3 – 0 Cardiff and Met

The rest of this story belongs to the skipper (sorry everyone else – except for Britt. I’m not sorry to Britt. Oh and Jack Thorpe who made a really good save on the line from a short corner. I can’t remember if it was with his head or his stick, but he is getting pretty damn good at it! And George Cairns – who’s vocabulary has been getting so bad lately that Batstone wonders if everything is OK for him.)

Alun Welsh (captain) is a traitor.

Even though I have made this all up, there were no more goals. Not a slight come back from Cardiff and Met. No last minute winner from your correspondent, or a wonder solo goal from Hussler. No own goal from Melon, and no awful aerial from Adam. Sorry.

End of Story.

Back to the real world.

The final score was 3-1 to Cardiff and Met, with Tarn scoring the solitary goal for the boys in Marooon. I thought I had played quite well, but apparently that has no impact on who gets DoD, and in turn has to write match reports.  I can only apologise for the poor nature of this report – I put all of my effort into writing a cracking Mixed report (the next day I missed a really really easy open goal when I should have scored my hattrick).

 

No Comments

1s v Clevedon Beach round 2

14 February 2014 at 11:30

To the tune of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS9OO0S5w2k

Young girl, there's no need to feel down. I said, young girl, pick yourself off the hockey ground. I said, young girl, 'cause you missed don’t you frown There's no need to be unhappy.

Young girl, at Coombe Dingle you play. I said, young girl, even when the sky is grey. You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey. It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey.

They have everything for you girls to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boizzzzzz ...

It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey. It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey.

Raquel scored a goal, and then missed many more, And that is why she swo-o-re ...

Young girl, are you listening to me? I said, young girl, Lowri scored I agree I said, young girl, Ali scored to make 3 We can score 3 more, can’t we?

No man we were bad from then on I said, young man, our motivation was gone The rail was not fun, with no glimpse of the sun And the hail definitely stung

It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey. It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey.

They have everything for you girls to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boizzzzzz ...

It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey. It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey.

The granny wore tracksuit, she was really cute, but could still give the ball a good boot ...

Young girl, once you put on your shoes. With your strip on, there’s no need for the blues. on the pitch, you can’t but feel alive. And due to all the practice you can definitely dive

And when, someone passes to you, You run to space, because you know what to do There's a place there called, Coobe Dingle When there’s boiz, you can mingle

It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey. It's fun to play at ho-o-ok-ey.

They have everything for you girls to enjoy, You can hang out with all the boizzzz ...

Ho-o-ok-ey ... there’s nothing better than Ho-o-ok-ey.

Athlete, athlete, motiv8 shouldn’t get you down. Athlete, athlete, get yourself off the ground.

Ho-o-ok-ey ... you'll find it at the Bar 48.

Young girl, young girl, get your head in the game. Young girl, young girl, on social there’s no shame.

Ho-o-ok-ey ... just go to play ho-o-ok-ey

Young girl, young girl, are you listening to me Young girl, young girl, hockey’s something you need

No Comments

Huntswood KPMG Barclays Web Design Gloucestershire