skip to content

Archive For 'January, 2014'

UBLHC 1s Eventful 11 Hour Round-trip to Bude

28 January 2014 at 11:32

First game after the Christmas; away at Bude. Not quite how everyone wanted to start  after two weeks of exams but despite this spirits were high as it was to be another trip in GK’s minibus of fun.  However as we set off, with Tess and Cornish enjoying a nice shower through the broken window and everyone sinking into the damp seats; each new discovery of a mouldy item of clothing only worsened the mood.

Never the less 140 miles of country roads later we made it to the windswept bude to face the typical mismatch we’ve learnt to expect from a Saturday league team.  We started off slightly under pace but still with most possession.  With Lowri making some great balls up to Rachel (Bradshaw) and numerous patches of great play to everyone’s frustration it was nearly 20 minutes before the first goal as scored. A cracking ball in from Ali found the end of Tess’s stick making it 1-0 to UBLHC and a great start to Tess’s 1s debut.  However despite numerous great saves from Rachel (Clare) we finished the half 1-1 after repeatedly leaving ourselves open at the back.

However as per usual we came back out with the mind-set to ensure we went home victorious. And that we did. After a couple of slapdash shorts and some off the line clearances from their defence, Rach slotted one in and we were 2-1 in front. After that we just had to stay calm and in control of the game and hold off a last few attacks from a decent Bude side. But everyone was pleased to end with a score of 2-1 even if we should have come away with a few more goals. Rachel (Bradshaw ) won man of the match for her great work up front with nominations also for Lowri.

Now it was just time for our treck home and a treck it was. Cornish’s earlier comment of  ‘That bus doesn’t look like it’s going to make it to Bude’ really came back to bite us as half an hour into our journey as 130 miles from Bristol our dilapidated minibus broke down. With the union offering a helpful message of ‘we are currently closed but you can email us and someone will get back to you when they return to the office’ it was a sorry sight to see the team all stood on the side of the road in the dark, looking terribly miserable. After knocking on a local’s door (whose family happened to play hockey in Bude) attempts to restart the bus failed.  We had to wait for an hour and a half for some help to arrive; the time filled with hunts to find a nearby toilet in the bushes, Rachel making a new  friend, Sandy from the breakdown company. As phones were slowly running out of battery we needed some cheering up, as per usual Helen was straight on to this with numerous rounds of guess the word stuck to your head (each description getting more bizarre as the tiredness set in).

It was happy faces all around when our replacement appeared and we were finally back on the way home – with only two hours to go. Arriving home two hours later than planned the 11 hour trip had been a long day but great to still get three points to remain top of the table.

No Comments

Big win and even bigger match report for the Yamsters

26 January 2014 at 18:39

Twas a cold Saturday morning and I hadn’t had my weekly pre match venti caramel macchiato from Starbucks in Clifton Down Shopping Centre, an essential pre match ritual for myself. We trounced it down the M5 thanks to the Sebastien Vettel-esque driving of Social Sec Rhys Davies, leaving us with a whole game of wockey to watch before we took to the astro ourselves. In this blissful ignorance of the kit debacle we were soon to encounter, we decided a pre match pit stop at the local Sainsbury’s was necessary. The bargain bucket of advent calendars proved to be a delightful surprise for those members of the team whose parents hadn’t sent them down one in the post so that they could gleefully count down the days to the arrival of St. Nicolas himself. I decided to invest in some Lego in a bid to relive my childhood in a haze of giddy joy, leaving me with a small fighter jet that could transform into three other forms, whilst of course also making me the biggest winner of the day. Our car and Melon’s made our way back to the astro only to find that our captain had failed to ‘Carpe Deeyam’ and had still not arrived. Dismay. Tears. A distraught Josh Bryce. What were we to do? Luckily things were not remotely as dramatic as I may have just seemed to make out, and Deeyam soon arrived in his funny little red car.

It was now that we realised the unthinkable, in our haste to run off to Sainsbury’s we had failed to realise that our foes for the afternoon indeed played in Maroon as well. Arthur Mitchell vehemently denied that this was his fault, although the jury is most certainly still out on that one.

This confusion led to us being unable to undergo a proper warm up as we were too busy trying to compile a rather village smorgasbord of white playing tops to compete in. Fergus was playing in Jameson’s jumper, Oz was playing in a green(?!) South Africa cricket Jersey, I was unleashing an abulous storm upon the sleepy village of Ottery St. Mary by playing in nothing but a skin tight white under-armour, Jameson was playing in Oz’s hoody, Oz was playing in Jameson’s hoody, and Rufus was being a turd. HELL, I have no idea what was going on.

The game started evenly with the ball going from end to end, although far more convincingly when in the possession of the Bristol team. Some strong leading and overlap from the forwards opened up the Sidmouth defence and enabled Oz to start blasting all kinds of balls into the D, with deflections coming near, but unfortunately wide from M. Jones and R. Davies. The attacking play stayed strong, with upgrades starting to come in the form of short corners. With Josh Bryce off the pitch it fell to Oz Turnbull to release a drag flick forged in the depths of the South African safari plains which the post man could do nothing more than deflect into the roof of the net. 1-0 to the Yamsters.

If I’m honest, I can’t really remember what happened from now until half time, one of their blokes decided to take a nouveau-flare technique to tackling, by decided to pick the ball up, chuck it over one of our sticks, and then carry on running. I think Deeyam might have scored on his reverse, I think I hit the post,  I think Rhys probably should have passed more, and I’m also led to believe that Josh Bryce might have said something, but naturally that was ignored and we proceeded into half time 3-0 up.

After a gentle half time talk we decided to go out all guns blazing and see how many more we could put past these non-johns. We started well, and once again I can’t really remember what happened. Ben Steel threw an aerial which hit a wire across the pitch, which was funny. Their keeper was pretty handy. Rufus was probably being a turd, and I had no idea what Josh Bryce was saying at any point whatsoever.

One thing I do remember however, and rather unfortunately for me, is why I am sitting on the 10:30 from Bristol Temple Meads to London Paddington on the 14th January 2014 writing this report. I had received the ball just outside the 25, driven down the wing, beat a hapless defender just outside the D, saw Josh Bryce and Rhys Davies perched appetisingly just off the p-spot and now I was about to cross the ball into the D. 4-0 I hear you cry! MoM for MJ I hear you cry! Alas, twas not to be. I can only imagine the Norse Gods of Hockey were not watching me with grace and luck that afternoon, as upon releasing that ball from my Excalibur (TK S-Series), I completely hooked it and sent it reeling into the side of the goal. Josh Bryce started crying at the prospect that Lucy Preston might overtake him again on the top scorer’s board, Rhys ripped his shirt off in disgust, and Deeyam could Carpe no more. I hung my head in shame and have never been the same since. I have spent countless nights tossing and turning in my bed whilst the torturous sequence of events replay themselves again and again in my mind. The only thing I asked for from Santa Claus was the ability to forgive myself for that faithful afternoon’s events, but he didn’t answer my calls and tortured me with stockings full of socks and Original Source, Tingly Mint shower gel.

As a result of my dizzying distraught, I fail to remember barely anything else that happened in this game. Rhys scored. Bryce scored. It ended 6-0 so someone else must have scored.

We had given these Devon based wannabe Johns a good hiding, which left us in a prime position in the league for the Christmas break, and enabled to use carry on our promotion push when we restart in 2014.

The teas they gave us were really weird but we went to McDonalds so everything was ok.


For the first time this season, but surely not the last,


P.s Rufus is a turd.

No Comments

Bristol Badgers Beat Chippenham in R1 of Cup

26 January 2014 at 18:29

Bristol Badgers 5 – 2 Chippenham

On what can only be described as a Sunday the elite Badgers squad went west along the M4 corridor. Luckily those who had made the actual match day squad went east and arrived at Chippenham with more than enough time to sit down and wonder what on earth Matt Poole was doing in the toilet for so long before the game.  Those who thought this would be the end of Matt Poole’s antics during the day were left surprised as your correspondent will explain below.

The match started well for the Badgers, but with confusion about what was allowed at short corners they were unable to convert possession into goals.  Good work by Ted Rowntree on the subs bench could do nothing to prevent Chippenham from opening the scoring with a goal. It is quite hard to describe exactly what happened, but for those of you who were in Oxford Brookes to see Jack Gardner getting sent off last season (he was outside the D) – it didn’t look anything like that.

Chippenham then exerted some pressure and started to press further up the pitch. Fortunately Mandi put an exquisite ball through to Matt Poole who walked it around the keeper with an incredible bit of skill, only to somehow miss the goal from a couple of yards out.*  Fortunately for Matt the Badgers do not laugh at their own players and he was able to recover to set up Arthur Mitchell for the equaliser.

Not long after Deeyam Patel did some good work in the D, and got the ball on to his reverse stick for the 10th time of the game only for Arthur Mitchell to steal it off him and put the Badgers ahead.  Personally I think it was the sign of a true goalscorer, but others may say it was plain rude. Especially as Deeyam had been out until “like 5:30 – cuff me” and really wanted to score on his reverse.

Sometime around here Lucy Balicki decided that she had had enough of hockey and ran back to the dug-out to fetch her rifle. I’m not really sure why no one stopped her but she managed to get back on the pitch for another short corner. I guess she was taking the “first shot has to be by a female” rule to heart when she completely ignored the ball and shot the Chippenham number one runner in the head. She did look a bit shaken up after, but I guess that was part of the act. Anyway – he shouldn’t have turned his back on the shot as he did have a face mask on. 

It is worth noting that Ted then came off the bench and did the greatest anti-skill Batstone has ever seen. And Batstone has a youtube playlist with “over 100 hockey videos” on it, so that is saying something. Well done Ted.  Ted then played really well. Well done Ted.

Half time came and went, including positional changes from the ladies – with Mandi and Gabby moving up the pitch and Georgina and Lucy W joining club-man club-captain xfsus xwgass Relston at the back. The match moved on with the Badgers putting more and more pressure on a capitulating Chippenham defence. As Batstone said we had “destroyed them mentally and physically” in the first half, so they didn’t really stand a chance when we continued to pass to “only white players” (M. Caillard, 2014)

Further goals were scored by the Badgers. The first one came from Mandi (brilliantly stealing a goal from Matt Poole), and I can’t remember the second one.  And it was about now that Matt really capitulated.  He knew it wasn’t ok to be angry at Mandi for stealing his goal (top job) but when the Chippenham player hit the ball at Matt (“It could have killed me if it hadn’t hit the end of my stick”) he really had a point to prove.

Unfortunately for Matt it wasn’t going to be his day. Put through on goal again, he again beat the keeper and managed to hit the inside of the post and miss. Further into the game, and devastated with his lack of goal he** played a fabulous 1-2 with Deeyam, which put him even nearer the goal before he again missed the target.

Chippenham scored a second, but great work from Freddie Goddard in goal kept the Badgers’ defensive record acceptable as they marched on towards to the 2nd round.

Alun Welsh also played.

And Mikey Pelmore umpired. Thanks Mikey. Thanks a lot; especially for annoying Matt with your decisions. That really made me happy.

And your correspondent learnt a lesson about trying to nail soda water – don’t do it. It isn’t nice and is really fizzy. Stick to Beer. Or don’t nail at all – like Tarn Huxford.

POM – Lucy Balicki

DOD – Arthur Mitchell

*This may not have happened                  

**This was actually me

No Comments

Regretting not joining the Club? Not too late

07 January 2014 at 10:33

Regretting not signing up to hockey? Don't worry it's not to late to join the club.

There are still several ways in which you can still get involved with the Hockey Club.

During January and for the first week of Febuary we'll be offering free trial membership for anyone tempted to join. Monday night training starts again for everyone on Monday 20th January 1730 - 1900 at Coombe Dingle (BS( 2BJ) which anyone who is tempted to join can come to. Alternativly we will be hosting a re-fresh sport on a Sunday at the end of the exam period, so anyone still tempted to join should come along to this. 

For more information please get intouch with Club Captain Rich Elston

Looking forward to hearing from you

No Comments

Huntswood KPMG Barclays Web Design Gloucestershire