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Cardiff and Met beat 1s to 3 points

The fixture against Cardiff and Met A came, for the 1st team, off the back of a long run of games. The run stretched all the way back to the start of the season, and included wins, draws, and losses. In fact, during that run the 1st team had actually already played this opposition. I guess that’s the nature of leagues which are based around playing all other teams at home and away. I digress, but there is a reason I mentioned the initial fixture in Wales – I have no recollection of the return fixture in Bristol.

In Wales at the start of the season we played against a rather strong Cardiff team, with the lack of a National League fixture allowing them to field a number of players with European experience. Unfortunately we had been unable to convert enough chances in the first half and struggled to deal with their class. This is, in essence, what happened in the return fixture.

The following describes what should have happened in this game.

The boys arrived at Fortress Dingle precisely an hour before the start of battle. They knew this was a big day, and insightful words from Captain Welsh were ruined only by Elston adding “just one more thing”. Ian brought his plans to the table, outlining which players were to be slain, which flanks were to be utilised, and when to penetrate the middle of the foe. This was not just another hockey match, this was a completely fictional one, made up letter by letter by your correspondent.

The boys popped to the john, where bizarrely Batstone failed to deliver, before moving down to the mighty turf for the impending fight. “Ridiculous Hair Cut” Poole sent the opening salvo with a quick left-right combo aerial toward the Cardiff and Met left half. Hussler-J put some serious pressure on the left back, using a Poole-esq “axe-attack” to secure himself a very quick yellow card. Fortunately Tarn had woken up on the Tarn side of the bed, and what happened next was pure tarn-ishness.

Tarn, on three occasions, picked the ball up in our d and ran the full length of the pitch, in a Mitchell-esq manner, but unlike Mitchell he then dispatched the ball with aplomb into the top corner.

10 mins: Bristol 3 – 0 Cardiff and Met (Hussler J had a full 10 minute sin bin)

Ian thought it best to try and avoid Hussler J getting an early red, and referred him to the showers for a bit of down time. Luckily he was replaced by Batstone – yes him of EHL fame (no, nothing to do with playing EHL, he just apparently loves hockey. Elston, if you are reading this, Batstone wanted an invited to East Grinstead). Immediately Batstone was in the thick of the action, making a fabulous shave tackle before slapping the ball inches wide. How unfortunate.

20 mins Bristol 3 – 0 Cardiff and Met

The rest of this story belongs to the skipper (sorry everyone else – except for Britt. I’m not sorry to Britt. Oh and Jack Thorpe who made a really good save on the line from a short corner. I can’t remember if it was with his head or his stick, but he is getting pretty damn good at it! And George Cairns – who’s vocabulary has been getting so bad lately that Batstone wonders if everything is OK for him.)

Alun Welsh (captain) is a traitor.

Even though I have made this all up, there were no more goals. Not a slight come back from Cardiff and Met. No last minute winner from your correspondent, or a wonder solo goal from Hussler. No own goal from Melon, and no awful aerial from Adam. Sorry.

End of Story.

Back to the real world.

The final score was 3-1 to Cardiff and Met, with Tarn scoring the solitary goal for the boys in Marooon. I thought I had played quite well, but apparently that has no impact on who gets DoD, and in turn has to write match reports.  I can only apologise for the poor nature of this report – I put all of my effort into writing a cracking Mixed report (the next day I missed a really really easy open goal when I should have scored my hattrick).


This entry was posted on 15 February 2014 at 18:52. You can leave a response here.

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