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Archive For 'March, 2014'

1s win against UWE

21 March 2014 at 18:04

Varsity came upon us, and with aching memories of our draw from last year we were all pretty pumped to smash them this year, especially as they’d rigged in some decent players from Firebrands and Clifton-which seemed to be the main conversation before the match. It must have psyched us up rather then panic us as we went out there all guns blazing from the start.

Another topic of popular conversation revolved around the elusive boombox…some said it was the biggest electrical appliance they’d ever seen, some said it had the loudest sound output they’d ever heard and some said it could be heard 20 minutes away and still drown out all surrounding white noise. However it was discovered that ‘some’ were in fact just sales people at PC World…”Oh yes, they are just as loud outside-if you want really loud speakers these will be by far the best option.” Thanks for nothing salesman. This turd has made sure my title, as ‘worst VCC in history’, will not ever be disputed, especially after my own previous mistake of buying non-portable speakers. Moving on…

We were all super pumped after warming up to our deafening beats echoing around dingle and started by having basically all the possession, with the ball constantly in their half. After some patience and a few missed opportunities, Kirsty popped in our first goal (I have no idea whether this is correct as the information from my sources conflict) and I think I’m right in saying she flicked it over the goalie because I remember hearing ‘I don’t think I’ve ever flicked the ball in my entire life’ in classic Kirsty fashion. Shortly after, two goals from GK and Emma Bevan put us in a secure 3-0 lead (again I’m not even sure this is right as garam and score seems to have erased mine, and other peoples, memory.) All we needed to do in the second half was keep playing how we had been, and we’d hopefully get more goals. This wasn’t actually the case as they decided to put the entirety of their team in their D to prevent the humiliation of a complete gubbing. We did manage to get one more goal from some inspired teamwork between Preston and Lucy McKee, with McKee securing the goal (not Preston, who strangely, but wisely, did not try and take the Clifton 1s keeper on herself.)

No one got sent off, no one got injured and we smashed UWE 4-0. All in all it was an excellent day, and we went on to celebrate at garam massala, and then onto score. The highlight of my night: Charlotte Watt in her hospital gown running down park street absolutely wasted. I had genuine concern that a police car or ambulance would think she was an escaped mental patient…however this luckily did not happen with the worst outcome being her banishment from prysm. Kudos you crazy little fresher.

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Elston uses hair gel to wash himself in Bath

16 March 2014 at 13:56

For much of this season there have been no real classic off field blunders. This has meant that we are inevitably forced to chose between Alun for his persistent desire to play upfront for the opposition, Arthur because we know it will wind him up, or any other petty and small error. This however, was a fairly good one.

In a match that meant everything to Bath and very little to Bristol it was perhaps little suprise that Bath started better and took and early 2-0 lead. Those who follow Bristol hockey consistently will notice that this is something of a regular occurance, apparently we play better hockey when we are down. 

A well taken Bristol PC returned the score to 2-1 and at this point Bristol were in the accendancy. Jack Thorpe had clearly seen enough defensive errors today and so decided that he would simply push the opposition forward to ground rather than atempt to tackle him, he was duly shown a jaundiced quadrilatrel of doom from the umpire and allowed an early half time break. Bath did not score the following PC, and at some point before the end of the half Tarn (I think) was able to slot the ball past the on rushing net minder. 2-2 at half time.

 

As usual we decided that we could be playing better and that we ought to pass the ball a bit more and that we probably ought to win it now. Sadly none of this happened. A host of disasters lead to bath taking a 5-2 lead. Mention should go to FedEx who on the left post, infront of both parents, brother and brothers girlfriend, managed use his foot to deliver the ball from outside the post and into the goal. Arthur wasted no time in telling him. 

2 spontaneous short corner moves involving stopper allowed a Hussler J brace. Final score Bath 4 Bristol 5. Much to the suprise of their centre forward who spent the whole game telling me how shit their defenders were.

After the traditional dissapointed huddle Bristol headed to the showers. Elston was busy being a club man and so entred the chanding facilities after the shower gel had been removed from play. All that was left was a mysterious container with the inscription "creamy gel" lovely stuff.  Taking this into the shower for the usual treatment I was slightly off put by the lack of lather produced by the gel but continued bravely. On leaving the shower this mystery was explained, hair gel is practically usless for washing with. Moroon. 

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Elston uses hair gel to wash himself in Bath

16 March 2014 at 13:56

For much of this season there have been no real classic off field blunders. This has meant that we are inevitably forced to chose between Alun for his persistent desire to play upfront for the opposition, Arthur because we know it will wind him up, or any other petty and small error. This however, was a fairly good one.

In a match that meant everything to Bath and very little to Bristol it was perhaps little suprise that Bath started better and took and early 2-0 lead. Those who follow Bristol hockey consistently will notice that this is something of a regular occurance, apparently we play better hockey when we are down. 

A well taken Bristol PC returned the score to 2-1 and at this point Bristol were in the accendancy. Jack Thorpe had clearly seen enough defensive errors today and so decided that he would simply push the opposition forward to ground rather than atempt to tackle him, he was duly shown a jaundiced quadrilatrel of doom from the umpire and allowed an early half time break. Bath did not score the following PC, and at some point before the end of the half Tarn (I think) was able to slot the ball past the on rushing net minder. 2-2 at half time.

 

As usual we decided that we could be playing better and that we ought to pass the ball a bit more and that we probably ought to win it now. Sadly none of this happened. A host of disasters lead to bath taking a 5-2 lead. Mention should go to FedEx who on the left post, infront of both parents, brother and brothers girlfriend, managed use his foot to deliver the ball from outside the post and into the goal. Arthur wasted no time in telling him. 

2 spontaneous short corner moves involving stopper allowed a Hussler J brace. Final score Bath 4 Bristol 5. Much to the suprise of their centre forward who spent the whole game telling me how shit their defenders were.

After the traditional dissapointed huddle Bristol headed to the showers. Elston was busy being a club man and so entred the chanding facilities after the shower gel had been removed from play. All that was left was a mysterious container with the inscription "creamy gel" lovely stuff.  Taking this into the shower for the usual treatment I was slightly off put by the lack of lather produced by the gel but continued bravely. On leaving the shower this mystery was explained, hair gel is practically usless for washing with. Moroon. 

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Bristol Badgers Crash out to Mixed giants Blamforth

01 March 2014 at 21:12

It was a dull and grey morning after the Saturday night before when Abi Whiteman and Alice Webb were buzzing the door of 6 Myrtle Road at 9.30 in the morning. Why this early you might think? Clearly our visitors had expected to see a certain Nicky Kilburn and Mikey Pelmore up and raring to go, cup of tea and Bacon sandwich in hand, ready for another outing of the UBHC mixed squad. But no, Nicky was in bed and potentially drunk. Still.

Minutes later amidst feisty exchanges of "we're going to be late", "don't you know I'm a rally driver" and "yeah she's a rally driver" the party suddenly found themselves at the student union where a sea of athletes robed in maroon and white (and pink if washed too hot)  onesies awaited them.

With Fresher Coach "I've done something to my knee" Pelmore out of action due to a slip, trip and a handful of amateur dramatics, Laura Herbert was called up to the side. Captain Mandi began to doubt her mathematical skills and ability to count to 11, until a text of "We're meeting Rachel McJarrow there" and her reply of "oooooooh yeeaaaah" confirmed that we did indeed have a full side for the game. Just about.

After travelling 50 miles in what felt like 10 minutes the match began... without Nicky... she still wasn't dressed, and was still potentially drunk or "hungover" as she liked to call it.

The team were playing well together, passing all around the left through William Eatherman, Ted (of chateau Rowntree fame), Rich Elston and Mandi. On the right with Webbo, Rachel McJarrow, Rich Elston and Mandi, and up front with Abi, Laura Enevoldsen, Rich and Mandi. In fact Rich and Mandi seemed to be everywhere and even when he was tired, a motivational shout from the sideline of "Go on Rich keep going mate" was all that he needed to go and get the ball once more.

Even through all this play, Blandford were first to strike lucky. A hit from the edge of the circle just squeezed past Ben (who?)'s long legs into the corner of the goal. In fact Melon played tremendously all game, saving shots left right and centre and so must be highly commended. Rich Elston was then to equalise with a well taken penalty corner drag flick which was rifeld towards the bottom corner only to be intercepted by the postladie's foot and sent sailing into the top corner.

Unfortunately it was a game of cat and mouse in terms of score line and Blandford went ahead again with a well taken deflection at the far post.

I'm taking an editorial cut into half time now (because I don't actually know at what point in the score half time came). The team listened with open ears to Mikey's advice of 'just pass it more' and Rich demonstrated how we would press through the use of some hockey balls; Mikey had forgotten his whiteboard (as per).

Sweeping back into the action of the game, the press seemed to have worked and the ball was won and passed to unmarked UBLHC captain Alice Webb who, despite nobody being around her managed to take the ball around the goalie and shoot from the widest possible angle. With pinpoint accuracy however, the ball trickled between the goalie and the post and over the line it went. 2-2.

With some end to end action and a flurry of chances for both sides and a few for Abi Whiteman it was that same girl on that same post who nudged one in for Blandford putting them ahead. Some tough moments arose and the match became higher paced and more frantic. Rich Elston then magnificently dribbled into the circle, eliminating each approaching player with ease, cluminating his run with superb 3D skill to take it past 2 defenders on the edge of the circle before sliping it to Mandi who was sitting on the near post ready for the textbook move. She slammed the ball in the goal to equalise. The score was 3-3.

It was getting quite exciting for the supporters of the UBHC (most notably Alice Webb and Rachel McJarrow's parents, and Mikey Pelmore on the sideline). You could tell from their calls of, "Come on Alice!" and "Keep going Rachel" and "I used to work in Chicago" respectively. Unfortunately with two minutes to go the final blow occurred. It was that same girl, from the same team, on the same post. Again. The score was 4-3 to Blandford and try as Bristol might, they couldn't f**k sh*te (Editor - "score again") and the final whistle blew.

EH mixed dreams were shattered that afternoon, but all was not lost as T. Rowntree, R. Elston and W. Eatherman discovered the school swimming pool and had a nice swim for active recovery. Before classic post match japes began which saw 2 people use an entire shower gel leaving W. Eatherman with nothing to cleanse himself, before that same man was sprayed with cold water whilst showering a move that angered his towel leading it to misteriously dissapear. Helping us through our blues was the provision of quiche and new potatoes for tea. Thanks to all that played.


DoD to Mikey Pelmore for falling over and doing "something but I'm not quite sure" to his knee and Man of the Match went to Mandi for excellent excellent play.

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