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Bristol Badgers Beat Chippenham in R1 of Cup

Bristol Badgers 5 – 2 Chippenham

On what can only be described as a Sunday the elite Badgers squad went west along the M4 corridor. Luckily those who had made the actual match day squad went east and arrived at Chippenham with more than enough time to sit down and wonder what on earth Matt Poole was doing in the toilet for so long before the game.  Those who thought this would be the end of Matt Poole’s antics during the day were left surprised as your correspondent will explain below.

The match started well for the Badgers, but with confusion about what was allowed at short corners they were unable to convert possession into goals.  Good work by Ted Rowntree on the subs bench could do nothing to prevent Chippenham from opening the scoring with a goal. It is quite hard to describe exactly what happened, but for those of you who were in Oxford Brookes to see Jack Gardner getting sent off last season (he was outside the D) – it didn’t look anything like that.

Chippenham then exerted some pressure and started to press further up the pitch. Fortunately Mandi put an exquisite ball through to Matt Poole who walked it around the keeper with an incredible bit of skill, only to somehow miss the goal from a couple of yards out.*  Fortunately for Matt the Badgers do not laugh at their own players and he was able to recover to set up Arthur Mitchell for the equaliser.

Not long after Deeyam Patel did some good work in the D, and got the ball on to his reverse stick for the 10th time of the game only for Arthur Mitchell to steal it off him and put the Badgers ahead.  Personally I think it was the sign of a true goalscorer, but others may say it was plain rude. Especially as Deeyam had been out until “like 5:30 – cuff me” and really wanted to score on his reverse.

Sometime around here Lucy Balicki decided that she had had enough of hockey and ran back to the dug-out to fetch her rifle. I’m not really sure why no one stopped her but she managed to get back on the pitch for another short corner. I guess she was taking the “first shot has to be by a female” rule to heart when she completely ignored the ball and shot the Chippenham number one runner in the head. She did look a bit shaken up after, but I guess that was part of the act. Anyway – he shouldn’t have turned his back on the shot as he did have a face mask on. 

It is worth noting that Ted then came off the bench and did the greatest anti-skill Batstone has ever seen. And Batstone has a youtube playlist with “over 100 hockey videos” on it, so that is saying something. Well done Ted.  Ted then played really well. Well done Ted.

Half time came and went, including positional changes from the ladies – with Mandi and Gabby moving up the pitch and Georgina and Lucy W joining club-man club-captain xfsus xwgass Relston at the back. The match moved on with the Badgers putting more and more pressure on a capitulating Chippenham defence. As Batstone said we had “destroyed them mentally and physically” in the first half, so they didn’t really stand a chance when we continued to pass to “only white players” (M. Caillard, 2014)

Further goals were scored by the Badgers. The first one came from Mandi (brilliantly stealing a goal from Matt Poole), and I can’t remember the second one.  And it was about now that Matt really capitulated.  He knew it wasn’t ok to be angry at Mandi for stealing his goal (top job) but when the Chippenham player hit the ball at Matt (“It could have killed me if it hadn’t hit the end of my stick”) he really had a point to prove.

Unfortunately for Matt it wasn’t going to be his day. Put through on goal again, he again beat the keeper and managed to hit the inside of the post and miss. Further into the game, and devastated with his lack of goal he** played a fabulous 1-2 with Deeyam, which put him even nearer the goal before he again missed the target.

Chippenham scored a second, but great work from Freddie Goddard in goal kept the Badgers’ defensive record acceptable as they marched on towards to the 2nd round.

Alun Welsh also played.

And Mikey Pelmore umpired. Thanks Mikey. Thanks a lot; especially for annoying Matt with your decisions. That really made me happy.

And your correspondent learnt a lesson about trying to nail soda water – don’t do it. It isn’t nice and is really fizzy. Stick to Beer. Or don’t nail at all – like Tarn Huxford.

POM – Lucy Balicki

DOD – Arthur Mitchell

*This may not have happened                  

**This was actually me

This entry was posted on 26 January 2014 at 18:29. You can leave a response here.

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